Better Than Me
by EnVyS pEt NeKo2
Summary: This is when Drake & Josh have moved out. They were together for a couple of years, but they break up because Drakes lies about going out with other girls. Drake misses Josh and he realizes how much he loves him. SLASH!


_Pairing:_ **Drake x Josh**

_Rating:_ PG 

_Summary:_ This is when Drake & Josh have moved out. They were together for a couple of years, but they break up becuz Drakes lies about not going out with other girls. Drake misses Josh and he realizes how much he loves him In Drake's POV!

_Disclaimer:_ I do **NOT** own! T.T I wish I did! Also I don't own this song I used Hinder owns it!

_Warnings:_ Um well this isn't exactly 'incest' becuz well they're stepbrothers; therefore they're not 'really' blood related XP anyway yea basically its **SLASH**, which is male x male. So if you hate that kinda stufz then get the hell out of here plz! NO FLAMES THEY'RE JUST A WASTE OF TIME!

**_Better Than Me_**

Ever since High School I stared to feel differently about certain things...most namely my brother Josh. I found myself wanting to touch him, to kiss him, to do things that brothers shouldn't ever do. I couldn't understand why and for so long I was in denial about my sexuality...about my possibly being bi. But it all became clear to me that one time on Josh's birthday. That one kiss, it made me realize that I did have feelings for Josh. After a few months I finally came out to him and to my surprise he was okay with it. But then again...Josh has always been the most understanding person I know. We began dating, of course quietly, my rep at school was at stake and I didn't want to ruin it. Josh understood. I made dates with other girls just to keep up appearances, but I didn't tell Josh...I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And this kept going on even when we moved out of our parent's house and got our own apartment.

_I think you can do much better than me_

_After all the lies that I made you believe_

I felt terrible for lying to Josh...but I didn't want to be ridiculed. It all hurts so much more...now that he's gone. I always expect him to come home, smiling with that adorable tired smile of his. When he left I didn't want to miss him at all...I wanted to completely forget about him, but I find that impossible. How can I forget someone I love so much? I remember how comforting it had been just to lie next to him, to just run my fingers through his curly hair and kiss him. But he doesn't need someone like me.

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see_

_The edge of the bed_

_Where your nightgown used to be_

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_But I remembered_

_What it feels like beside you_

_I really miss your hair in my face_

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

I recently went looking through some of our old notes and I found all these pictures we had taken. Some in private and some in public. Josh had really wanted some of pictures...I wish I could give them to him. I wish I could forget everything about what happened between us...it just hurts too much. But I never want to forget that one time at the mall...we had so much delicious fun and it had been so risky but we didn't get caught. It was such a thrill to secretly worship you, while always expecting someone to just walk in on accident. I lived for it.

_While looking through your old box of notes_

_I found those pictures I took_

_That you were looking for_

_If there's one memory I don't want to lose_

_That time at the mall_

_You and me in the dressing room_

All those times we had...me waking up in the morning to you straddling my waist. Our noses barely an inch apart as your hair would gently tickle my cheeks and how I would kiss you. Your kisses always tasted like sugar cookies...something I always identify with innocence. But you're better off without me...Someone else could probably make you feel so much happier. And that's all I want for you. Please be happy.

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_But I remembered_

_What it feels like beside you_

_I really miss your hair in my face_

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

It's cold and lonesome all by myself. I constantly wish I had never broken up with you. I know I will always think about you. I will always wonder how you're doing and whom you're with. It's so difficult to face this reality but I have to. I get up deciding that I should at least get out of the apartment for a while. I walk outside the door and you...you're standing there. We stare at each other for what seems like hours when I finally break the silence, "What're you doin' here?" Josh blushes and I feel warmth spread throughout my entire body. I love seeing him blush.

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder_

_Wish I never would've said it's over_

_And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older_

_Cause we never really had our closure_

_This can't be the end_

"I uh...I wanted to come by and see how you were doing." Josh replies. He meekly looks up to meet my gaze. "You haven't returned any of my calls..." He trails off, looking so embarrassed and nervous. I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't return his calls because it was just too painful to even talk to him. Josh took a careful step towards me as he said, "Drake...please. Don't push me away. I want to be with you and I want you to be happy." I looked down at the floor as tears welled up in my eyes. I missed him so much...Josh's everything...every single little detail about him.

_I really miss your hair in my face_

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

You deserve much better than me 

"J-Josh I...I can't. I don't want to hurt you again...never again." My voice broke, a sob rising to my throat. Josh stepped closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Drake, man, just because you were dating other women doesn't mean I stopped loving you. I know you didn't want people to think you were bi or gay. I totally understand that...but please I miss you." Josh's voice was pleading me to take him back in. Half of me didn't want to, I was so afraid of letting him down or hurting him. The other half of me was begging just as strongly as Josh was to let him back in. Josh suddenly pulled me into his arms as his warmth enveloped me. I was shocked for a moment then the tears came pouring out as I held onto him tightly. I didn't want to ever let go. Josh kissed my forehead and held me close.

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

I buried my face into his neck and just cried while Josh whispered soothing words into my ear. I didn't deserve to have such a wonderful and caring brother/lover. How could he forgive me for everything I've done? Josh nibbled my ear slightly, a weak spot for me as I let out a soft gasp of pleasure. "I love you Drake..I really do." Josh whispered. I shuddered but held onto him tighter as I said just as softly, "I love you too..."

_(And I think you should know this)_

_(You deserve much better than me)_

"You deserve much better than me..."

Fin

WOW! That's one of the saddest fics I've ever posted XD;; scary O.o and im not even depressed I just thought this would make a great angsty type of fanfic sweatdrops Anyway wow not as much fluffy (FOR ONCE!) But i really liked this and I hope you all did too!


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